I have hopes of quitting my job and somehow finding a more peaceful way of life where I’m not struggling and trying to convince myself to go to work. Some days it’s fine but the more time passes, the more I find myself struggling. I know that I have so much to be grateful for and I grapple with the guilt of feeling so unsatisfied. But I have to be honest with myself. I believe that I will be able to create a life that makes me smile more then groan. I know that I can contribute to the world in a meaningful way even if it may be small. I don’t want to become well-known, I don’t desire a shit ton of money. I want a sense of alignment. Where I wake up most mornings feeling excited to start the day. I know that my full potential will come out of a happier state of mind.
I just hope that I will be patient with myself. Give myself the time to adjust to not having a steady paycheck and answering to my mom who wishes I would stay put. I hope I can stay strong in my desire to follow my heart for once rather than the practicalities of life. I understand that I should get a stable job, save up for retirement, maybe think about buying property one day but honestly that stuff doesn’t matter to me anymore if I’m not enjoying the journey.
I’m lucky that my curiosity of the unknown and the desire to explore my potential is greater than the fear of breaking from social norms and parental expectations. I’m so lucky that I have a supportive dad who’s a traveler, entrepreneur and free spirit. I’m so lucky to have a conservative mom who taught me how to stretch a dollar and appreciate the the simple things in life like growing your own food and making the best homemade Korean food. I feel balanced with these two view points on life. An inner groundedness that I believe will keep me strong when nothing physically is grounded.
What kind of person will I become by giving myself this much freedom? I’m terrified but more excited to find out. Come with me on this journey. Let’s figure things out together. Cause shits gonna hit the fan but there’s also going to be amazing experiences. And let’s face it… so far the worst thing that has happened to me has really propelled me to become a spiritually richer person. I’ve never felt this full in my life. I’m finally willing and able to take the plunge into the unknown…