I used to be so indecisive (and I still am sometimes). I used to google questions and hope that someone would answer them for me, make the decision for me. I really just didn’t know what to think or do.

Since the Zika scare happened, I got a taste of that uncertainty again.

A part of me wanted to cancel my whole trip even though I’ve been planning it for months now and this is something I’ve wanted to do for about a year. I’m just really afraid that I’ll get there and the Zika virus will be a problem. Yes, for the most part, I’ll have some minor symptoms but it could potentially turn out bad.

I’ve been sick already. I know what it feels like to not be able to fully live my life, desperately wanting to, crying because I couldn’t. I know what it feels like to be so sick and not seeing the point in going on. I don’t wish to be in that state again if I can prevent it. But hell, do we really know how long we can be safe from this? It’s expected to come to the US later this year. And this is a trip that I’ve been dreaming about. Do I follow my dreams or do the practical, precautionary thing?

I would like to say that nothings going to stop me: not judgement from others, not my mom’s disapproval, not my fear of loneliness, not the lack of comforts… but health is different. Health is a matter of quality of life and my journey abroad is to improve my quality of life not put it in jeopardy.

I guess in a way this Zika virus has made me come back to my original reason for doing this trip. I was getting a bit side-tracked by all the different programs and volunteer opportunities. And yes I want to do all of this. But maybe I should really focus on myself first and do exactly what I want… purely for myself… For no one else… It’s difficult for me to think this way but I need to.

This trip is for me and I need to really respect that so I can finally learn to respect myself. I owe this to myself. Strip away the idea of service and productivity, for now. You need to focus on your craft, your joy and your passion. Feel alive again. Learn how to really live again. And create your own lifestyle. Then you can be of true and honest service to others…

Bottom Line: Learn to truly, 100% give to yourself first. And yes, I’ve decided to go on the trip anyways while being extra cautious.

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