It’s a loaded question that I ask myself often. Loving myself is a practice and a choice I make. It seems to fluctuates from day to day, from moment to moment if I’m dependent on my thoughts about myself and I guess that’s a good measure of how attached I am to my thoughts. True love comes from a deeper place and it’s pure, honest and unchanging. I think this is one of the main goals in life; to fully love yourself. Without this love I feel like you can’t really love anyone else. This love may be tainted with neediness, grasping, desire, attachment, aversion, passion and even hatred at times… I guess a bit of this is inevitable since we are humans, but I’d rather know when I’m being misled and know what feeling I can trust.

I want to be able to love someone completely as they are in any moment, not wanting to change them in any way. But I first need to learn to do this for myself. I think mindfulness and awareness of the present moment is the biggest tool to help me get there. It gives me a sense of pure bliss and happiness when ego and thoughts fall away. It also helps me really see my thoughts as they are. I try not to give them too much importance because I know it’s not the real me but I think there’s a lot to learn from them and a lot of insights you get from recognizing the patterns of thought. What thoughts arise often and what’s the undertone? How are you talking to yourself?

I’m hoping that by being fully aware of my thoughts, I can intellectually work them out through writing. This, more often then not, leads me back to kindness and compassion for myself and others. Learning to be my own best friend and be that shoulder to lean on even when it’s painful to look at myself.

July 11, 2016

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