I’ve spent a few days in solitude here in beautiful Vang Vieng, Laos. I think this quaint city will always have a special spot in my heart for being the place where I found some much needed clarity.
I was able to give myself the time to finally start up this blog that’s been in the works even before I had set off on this journey. While working on this blog, I’ve been questioning what I’m willing and not willing to share. I’m more aware of what topics stir up feelings of fear. The closer a topic is to my heart, the more I want to change the visibility of the post to private. I don’t feel completely ready to share certain things but on the other hand, it makes me excited to share something so meaningful to me.
My gut is telling me to go for it. Even though it’s still tender. I feel as if it’s important to share the real me. And I have faith that I’m strong enough to stay grounded in my vulnerability. If not now, then this feeling will disappear as if it had never existed and I’ll forget until the next time I feel the exact same way, just in a different situation. Isn’t it true that our emotions recycle themselves and don’t change that much unless we do. Unless we choose to stop and look at it and evaluate why it’s there and what the significance of it is. Maybe I should let myself be seen as I am in the moment and own it. Honor it simply because it’s the truth.
Fear will always be a part of our lives, and for good reason. I probably would not be alive right now if it weren’t for fear. But when it comes to putting work out there that is really meaningful to me, fear can be debilitating and paralyzing. It’s scary to put your true self out there but I can’t help but think that what I’m learning through my journey can strike a cord in someone else and maybe help them, even in the slightest bit. I want to be able to do that for someone and potentially even make a meaningful connection. Isn’t that the greatest gift in life? The deep, meaningful connections that you make with people?
My fears have been a guiding light for me, they have pointed me in the right direction multiple times. This includes the fears I had prior to making this trip a reality. I was scared to put myself first and make such a grand gesture that was just for me and no one else. I was scared of what my mom would think if I quit my great job, got rid of all my stuff and left NY indefinitely. I was scared that something might happen to me as a solo-female traveler. I was scared of the unknown. I was scared that it would be a huge mistake and I would return to NY in a month and get another desk job. All of these fears helped me work through some really important aspects in making sure I was ready for this big change. My fears helped me feel stronger and more sure of my decision.
Our fears are telling us to ‘Look here!’ not to turn away which is so often what we habitually do. If you’re brave enough to admit that something scares you, and actually ask yourself the questions that need to be asked, then it becomes a powerful opportunity for growth. It helps you understand why this thing is holding you back. It becomes your greatest teacher.