I was firm in my decision to indefinitely travel, yet I was having a hard time booking my one way ticket. There was no doubt that I was excited and I knew that this was what I wanted in order to live without regrets. But there was something big that were holding me back.
I felt like I was suffocating and knew that I couldn’t leave without expressing how I was feeling. I’m sorry to say that I did approach my conversation with some blame which I don’t recommend (Note to self: work on non-aggressive communication). I felt so much pain around my childhood and felt resentment toward him. I attributed my low self-esteem to his remarks about my appearance at a young age. I tried so hard to gain his approval based on what he valued: outer beauty and intelligence (my high E.Q. makes up for my not so impressive I.Q.). I knew that I had to express how I felt if I wanted to begin to heal our relationship and gain the strength I needed to go for my dreams. I also knew that he had a tremendously tough life growing up and he did his absolute best with what he knew and had. I deeply knew that he love me.
I mustered up the courage
I felt fear and dread but I knew I had to let out these feelings that have been plaguing me for far too long. I cried before, during and after. I felt so relieved that he knew what I had been going through my whole life and now he knew why certain remarks were such pain-points for me. I needed him to know and I needed that deeper connection. I know in the grand scheme of things, my childhood was wonderful and that’s why I felt guilty for pointing out the one or two things that may had led me astray. But I needed him to know so that we could move on from there. Since that conversation, our relationship continues to grow stronger.
I booked my one way ticket
It was amazing to me how emotional freedom equaled strength and power.
Have you ever had something that you’ve wanted so badly. You have a gut feeling that this is the right thing for you and yet something is holding you back. The best thing you can do is bring your true feelings to light so that they can start to dissipate and dissolve. Have the hard conversations if needed, knowing that if this person means a lot to you then they need to know how you really feel so that you can move on with a clearer conscience. It’s the start of a deeper connection that will fuel you to go for what you most desire. I would love to know if and what you’re grappling with in the comments below.