It has always been just this

I finally see that it was never my doing. it was never up to me. I was never the doer of deeds, the thinker of thoughts, the feeler of feelings… it has always been an amazing trick of the mind and how could you not fall for it. it seems seamless.

All of these happenings seem to happen to a someone. Who is it? Can you find it? There’s nothing there, there’s no one there. No one is at the center of it. God, divine, the mystery of everything is experiencing something we call life through that particular vantage point… seemingly through that body but is anyone really in there?

Is anyone really thinking thoughts, feeling feelings and doing deeds? Or is it all an appearance that we have no control over. It’s all just happening. We make decisions based on the thoughts, emotions, conditioning, beliefs and programming that the body mind was exposed to… We didn’t choose where we were born, who our parents are, our circumstances we were born into, how we look, how the body and mind function…

‘We’ gain a false sense of meaning through latching onto meaning, purpose, beliefs… and when we actually start to entertain the possibility that when we are completely disarmed and have always been and let go of everything we are holding onto to define ‘us,’ then we see that we have been made of nothing. There is no core to anything… it just dissolves back into what it came from… nothing. Not in a negative, dark way… no it’s a mysterious, unknown nothing that cannot be known or named or described…

All we know is that we are here… not an a conceptual person that had a past and has a future. No, we are just simply here… as what? We have no idea. We have no idea who we actually are… We know what we’re not, we’re not this body and yet we are.

Perhaps even ‘we are here’ is confusing… perhaps it’s clearer to say ‘this is it.’ That’s it. This is it and that’s it.

What else can you really say for sure?

I know I’m here but not as a human, not as an entity… I’m just here… or rather, there’s just here-ness.

This life, this existence is a total and utter mystery and we were closer to it as children because we didn’t know anything and that was okay, that was expected and that was closer to the truth. We grow up and start making up things and trying to figure things out and believe we know certain things but in truth we have no idea what anything is… In a certain limited closed box of ideas and concepts we can say certain things that will satisfy the mind but in truth… ultimately, we have no idea.

How can anything that is created, that is appearing, know what was before its own creation?

The best we can do is understand and see that we are not that which is appearing… we are not the body, the thoughts, the feelings, the beliefs, the concepts. We are not who we think we are.

We are most free and liberated and at peace when we stay in that unknown, because it is the closest thing to truth.

And it seems to me that anything that is not true is constantly searching for truth. it’s never able to settle and rest because it is uncomfortable, it is lacking, it feels un-whole and is seeking for completeness, fulfillment, happiness… it wants to know its maker.

Ultimately, know what which seeks is not real, it’s an illusion and you dissolve back into and as the maker. You become God… You are God. Not as a entity, not as a something or a somebody… as an unknown mystery of all of this. You are the here-ness for this particular experience through this particular body and mind. You are that here-ness beyond the imagined, constructed, configured person.

The here-ness could care less about what happens to the body and mind… not in a harsh way. it’s not personal at all. It’s just an empty, vast, void of all possibilities so why would it ever prefer one outcome over another. Everything is ‘allowed’ and yet there is no one allowing.

That person you think you are, that sense of self that everything refers back to is an illusion. When investigated, no-one is there. It’s the greatest trick known to man. And it’s so hard to catch, seemingly impossible because it owns and claims everything before you know it. Then you claim to know, you claim to be aware and that’s not it… See that that very movement is the sense of self, the person, the claimer, the seeker, the mind and you are beyond that.

You’re still just here, before it all and as it all. As a mysterious here-ness, is-ness, emptiness, wholeness. Completely indescribable, ungraspable and unknowable.

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