The separate ‘me,’ the contraction is a ‘NO.’ No to this, no to that, no to life, just no, no, no… and I think I remember Adhyashanti saying that and that rings true now but it’s only seen that way after it’s released. Like that separation, locality, resistance… is not really understood and can’t be pinpointed or recognized when it’s there because it’s ‘started’ around the age of 1 or 2 or 3…
I have a sense that I didn’t have a huge contraction early on, I don’t remember things well before the age of 8 or 10. I was a pretty happy-go-lucky kid.
There is a sense that nothing is missing now. There’s a wholeness and completeness to what is, for no-one.
And before it seemed like there was an impulsive awareness that would come in and capture or try to retain and make meaning of this moment, happening, understanding, etc… but that seems to be fading… like that was the filter. The self-awareness, self-consciousness.
It is simply just what is and nothing is a problem. Because problems are for some-one.
There still can be thoughts that were viewed as problems before and so they do kind of have a stickiness… like what to tell ‘normal’ people about what I’m doing. And also the worry about finances and that habit of wanting to know in the future that I will be okay financially… I can see through it a bit more and see that it’s not really happening. It’s a thought about an imaginary future for a no-one. So it’s not really a problem. The body will work if needed. But there is a sense that the body doesn’t want to work or have a normal job and this was true before the veil lost its structure. There’s no desire to really do anything. And I can see now how it was a struggle for Echkart Tolle to try and work after this seeing through the ordinary perception of life.
I can see how this is a big thing that people fear… fear of being an outcast, of not having money, of not being seen as valuable or productive.
Compared to back then, I really have relaxed about that. But seeing people like [an old friend] who are so in the matrix is a little uncomfortable. I don’t have a desire to really mingle with them. I mean I really enjoy solitude so why would I really want to expose myself to uncomfortable situations where I won’t be understood at all… not that it really matters whether I’m understood but it’s a simple preference. I’m not that interested in seeing people who would judge me because of their depth within the illusion and amount of veiling that is going on there. There’s not really a sense that there’s an individual here to be ashamed of that or feel bad about that, like I should be immune to other’s criticism and misunderstanding… I still recognize that most humans are in the illusion and spell and have no real understanding outside the norm and that’s fine.
There seems to be a natural deepening into peace or something.
There’s an okay-ness with everything and it’s delicious.
Even pain in the body isn’t a problem. It seems to come up and release on its own.