All make-believe

March 23, 2022
Heaven and hell don’t really exist
They are a part of the dream
A part of the Self-created world
Imagination by the ‘me’
How remarkably mysterious is that?
The ‘me’ birthed the big bang theory
Explosions galore, fireworks everywhere
Yet nothing is happening
There is no truth
Nothing is false
It’s all utterly futile
Believing the sufferings of the past was needed for a better now. Believing a better future is just around the horizon
Hope and hopelessness
Faith and faithlessness
A never ending cycle
Within the dream…

The ‘me’ can’t undo itself

March 22, 2022
The ‘me’ can’t see beyond itself
The ‘me’ is the veil
The ‘me’ is the dream, is the story
The ‘me’ creates it’s own special reality, it’s own world
Me, mine, I… all of these words are still used
But no-one is behind them
No-one is owning them
They are completely empty
They mean nothing
They point to nothing, refer to nothing
And yet it’s still used and said,
‘I love this message.’

(In)secure in the infinite

March 13, 2022
…Total non-sense
Nothing can be said
There’s no certainty
Nothing can be held onto
There’s only security
There’s just infinity
Safety in nothing-ness
Security in the unknown
The absence is terrifying
The uncertainty is threatening
For no-one…
Empty words
W O R D S . . .
It’s all made-up
By no-one, by nothing

Back to dust

March 2, 2022
Nothing ever happened
Nothing ever really existed
Everything seems to turn to dust
It’s all nothing-ness everything-ing
This is all so hauntingly beautiful
It’s soothingly terrifying…
Everything goes back to dust
Vanishes into ashes
Dissolves to nothing
And yet it doesn’t
because it never existed in the first place…

Spiritual Awakening isn’t the death of ‘me’

February 25, 2022 …Spiritual awakening may be the apparent falling away of a conceptual identity, perhaps a de-conditioning or re-programming process but that is not the same as this mysterious and unknowable dissolving of the ‘me’ sense that also never really happens. Spiritual awakening is for the ‘me,’ for the person. It’s a beautiful story and unfolding that is very convincing. It really seems like actual progress is being made… it actually feels like ‘you’ are moving through time and space becoming more pure and integrating your shadow side. And there’s nothing right or wrong with that. It’s absolutely beautiful. It can seemingly alleviate some pain and suffering… apparently. It can also become a new burden, a new cloak with lots of hidden agendas. A new way to enhance the ‘me’…

No-one left to wonder

February 13, 2022
…There’s a memory of an appearance of a person with a life, with hopes and dreams, relationships and a heart-breaking, bitter-sweet past.
And now what remains?
Nothing but a thought
But that too is fleeting
There’s nothing
Nothing to hold onto, nothing to own
No-one to have anything
It’s all a dream, a remarkable dream
A pleasant, surreal, horrific dream
A nightmare
And it never really happened…

Me, myself and I

January 4, 2022
l think the most devastating thing, before the ‘me’ really gave up control, was that it had planned its life as if it were the most important thing in the world. It itself was the most important thing in the world. ‘Me, myself and I’ was the center of the universe and everything revolved around me. And that’s devastating to really deeply get that it never existed, it’s not really real… living was totally and completely based on that sense, that was the foundation to everything and so much was built on top of it…

Nothing can satisfy ‘me’

December 17, 2021
That neediness is endless… Endless… Nothing can satisfy it. It’s totally insatiable. A bottomless pit. Because it doesn’t actually exist. It isn’t really real. How can something that’s not real be fulfilled? There is no-one that can become complete and whole. There’s no-one that can be satisfied. No-one to know thyself. No-one that can know anything.

Problems are for a non-existent someone

December 15, 2021
And before it seemed like there was an impulsive awareness that would come in and capture or try to retain and make meaning of this moment, happening, understanding, etc… but that seems to be fading… like that was the filter. The self-awareness, self-consciousness… It is simply just what is and nothing is a problem. Because problems are for some-one…

Existential Crisis

December 13, 2021
I couldn’t help but feel like all that trying to be positive and grateful for the past couple months and maybe even years just brought about this sling shot effect… I mean maybe not, it’s hard to tell. Maybe it was just the ‘me’ energy and it wanting to die and feeling hopeless and in despair.
It’s been a while since I felt that shitty and so it was intense. But that too is utter perfection, this is it too, it’s just the ‘me’ that really doesn’t want this but that is perfection too… it’s all wholeness appearing as anything and everything…